I have made a big decision. I have decided that I will not submit much to dA anymore. There are a few reasons why and I'll explain them all.
This will probably be my last poem for a long long time.
the end of an erai will not be
staying behind in the city: asleep
to be blind, to not see the flames
licking the buildings in my mind.
My first reason for this is because I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and have been given medication. As many of you know, I can only write poems when I feel down. They are an emotion vent. Therefore, taking the medication is like a writer's block. They don't allow me to feel any particularly bad emotion anymore. Which could be a good thing, but my creativity has been sacrificed.
Leading on from that, the fact that my poems are an emotion vent means that there is little meaning in them. My boyfriend made me aware last night that they are cryptic and hard to understand. I cannot expect people to understand my poems when I don't even fully understand them myself. The poem in this journal represents the emotions I am feeling, 'licking my mind'. As I said, I don't feel bad because of the medication but I don't particularly feel good either. I'm like a void. Empty. Like the meaning of the poems. I cannot help but feel like I've lost people on here, which is probably totally my fault anyway, as my poems have changed a lot over time. I cannot write how I used to, no matter how hard I try. But, I write for myself and that's all. It's my style now. Not that I'll be writing many poems from now on because my inspiration has vanished.
Finally, I feel as though I don't belong here anymore. Which is no one's fault but my own. I haven't kept up with my watchers, I haven't seen many of my friends' artwork and poems and I haven't really made enough effort to hold significance within the community. I would just like to thank those who have been here for me, who haven't given up on me. You are probably one of those people if you are reading this now.
I will not delete my account. I will still be here sometimes to read poems and talk to people if they want me. I will just not be uploading poems often.
Thank you <3 .................